Vovochka’s mom: “You’re blowing soap bubbles, and soap, by the way, is now expensive, and it turns out that you’re wasting it.”
– And I save it when I wash.

Teacher:
– Vovochka, what is seven nine?
– 56.
– Vovochka, I’ll give you two, give me the diary!
– Mary Ivanna, of course, I’m not going to scare you, but my dad told me: “If you get even one more D, then someone will definitely hit you in the snout!”

– Vovochka, why are you being rude to me? Am I your father or not?
– Well, dad, you ask questions! How do I know that?!

During an arithmetic lesson, Vovochka is asked: “What is 4 plus 8?”
– 15.
– And 12 plus 7?
– 28.
– It’s strange you think. What is your dad’s job?
– A waiter.

Before the exam, the teacher told the students: “The exam is like in the theater.” You are the actors, I am the spectator.
– Great!
– Vovochka will exclaim. “You can’t do without a prompter in the theater.”

Mom, dad and Vovochka are sitting, watching TV. Vovochka says: “Mom, guess what 3-letter word I wished for, mom slapped me on the head:
– Mom, why did I wish for the word HOME, dad slapped mom on the head:
– You have to think about home, about home.”

– Vovochka, why are your hands dirty?
– Mom asked.
– Because I just washed my face with them.

Vovochka asks dad:
– Dad, what does the word “therefore” mean?
– You see, I am an uneducated person, but I will try to explain to you. How old are you?
– Nine.
– So, 10 years ago I went to the north to earn money and stayed there for three years.
– I understand, dad. Therefore, you are a cuckold.
– Right. And you, therefore, are a bastard…

The teacher asks Vovochka what does India import into our country? Vovochka:
– I don’t know. Teacher:
– Well, think about it, remember what you and your family drink in the morning? Vovochka:
– What, is it really a pickle?!

Vovochka returned with his father from a walk. He picks up the phone and says:
– Dad, mom just left, the phone is still hot…