Dad asks Vovochka: “How are things at school, son?”
– I don’t talk to the father of the double student.

Teacher:
– So, children, today we will conduct our natural history lesson outdoors. The whole class, together with the teacher, went out into the field. Children run and frolic, and not far away there is a herd of cows. Mashenka comes up to the teacher and asks: “Marivanna, why did one cow climb on top of another over there?” The teacher was embarrassed, but began to explain: “This is not a cow, but a bull, he climbed on the cow to see where the grass is juicier, where it is better for him to graze.” Then Vovochka comes up and says: “And my dad told me that when a bull fucks a cow, he doesn’t see the white light!”

Mashenka comes to Vovochka and, stroking his belly, tells him: “Vovochka, soon you will become a dad!”
– Amazing! And who will be the mother?

– Vovochka, can you list all ten commandments? In any order.
– Well, sixth, first, third, …

The teacher asks Vovochka if he knows Tsiolkovsky, Kulibin, Popov?
– Do you know Gray, Zubaty and Kunya? “I don’t know,” answers the dumbfounded teacher.
– Well, there’s no point in scaring me with your gang.

They put four-year-old Vovochka to bed: “Good night, son, you’ve probably already had a dream about a bunny?” To which Vovochka answers in a sleepy voice: “No, it’s still advertising…

The teacher says to the students: “Name your father’s profession, spell it, and name one thing he would give us if he were here.” Masha answers: “My dad is a banker.” BANKER. If he were here, he would give everyone a shiny new coin. Petya answers: “My dad is a baker.” BAKER. If he were here, he would give everyone fresh cookies. Vasya says: “My dad is an accountant.” B-U-G, no, wait, B-U-H-A… The teacher stopped him and said: “Sit down, think again.” Here Vovochka stands up: “My dad is a bookmaker.” BOOKMAKER. If he were here, he would give twenty to one that Vasya will not be able to spell “accountant” correctly.

– Marya Ivanovna, is it possible to punish a person for something he didn’t do?
– You can’t, Vovochka.
– Marya Ivanovna, I didn’t do my homework!

And again in class. Teacher:
– Children, have you ever had to save someone’s life? Vovochka:
– Yes, when I replaced my sister’s birth control pills with regular vitamins!

– Vovochka, get dressed, we will take you to your grandparents.
– Mom, I don’t want to go to them.
– Vovochka, come quickly, otherwise we’ll be late.
– But it’s so boring there!
– Son, don’t be capricious, it’s 8.00, and we’ll pick you up at 17.00.
– Well, what am I going to do until five o’clock in the cemetery?