On September 1, first-grader Vovochka is not going to give flowers to the teacher, because she believes that they will not succeed.

Vovochka enters a grocery store and asks the seller: “Do you have pasta?” The seller answers yes, goes for a pack of pasta, but at the last moment Vovochka says to him: “Give me a can of sprat.” The seller, irritated, goes to the other end of the store, takes a can of sprat and gives it to Vovochka. The next day Vovochka comes again and asks: “Do you have mustard?” The seller goes for mustard, but Vovochka again changes his mind at the last moment: “Give me ice cream.” Even more angry, the seller brings him ice cream. This continues for several days, the seller is already on the verge of a nervous breakdown, when Vovochka’s father suddenly enters the store. The seller complains to him: “Your son is just making fun of me: he comes and asks if this or that product is available, and when I follow him, he suddenly changes his mind and asks to sell him something else.”
– Is it true? Well, just let him come home from school
– I’ll take off the belt and give him a kick in the ass!

Vovochka sits on a tree opposite Marya Ivanovna’s house and peeks out the window to see Marya Ivanovna changing clothes there. At some point she saw Vovochka and shouted: “Vova!” May father be at school tomorrow! Vovochka raises her head: “Dad, did you hear?”

The teacher asks Vovochka which fable by S.V. Mikhalkov he liked the most.
– Hymn!
– Vovochka answered.

Vovochka in the “living corner” is twirling a chicken in her hands. She screams, breaks out, screams obscenities so loudly that the whole school can hear her. The teacher flies into the “corner” and asks in fright: “What are you doing?”
– I’m looking for erogenous zones.

The teacher hands out notebooks: “Vovochka, your homework is much better this time.”
– Dad stopped helping me, Maryivanna.

Botany lesson. Teacher:
– The pistil and stamen are the genital organs of a flower. Vovochka:
– Damn you! And I smelled them!

Mom to Vovochka:
– Okay, son, choose what to buy for you? He, decisively:
– Candy!
– No! Let’s do something else!
– Another candy!

Vovochka’s mother says to her husband in the morning: “Vovochka says he has a headache, he should call a doctor.”
– Come on, he says that every week to get away with it.
– That’s true, but the fact is that today is Sunday.

Marivanna:
– Vovochka! What scientific discovery do you consider the most outstanding in the history of mankind?
– Opening borders between states!
– What, your dad works as a border guard?
– No, a customs officer!