Vovochka runs into the house:
– Mom, mom! our dad was run over!!!!
– 8-[ ] how?!!! Who?!!!
– Tricycle!
– God bless! what kind of jokes do you have…
– …who rolls asphalt!

When the neighbor boy started throwing stones at you, why did you throw stones at him instead of telling me?
– Vovochka’s mother asked.
– Mom, why should I tell you?! You can’t even get to the garage…

Vovochka is walking with her parents across the bridge. He asks: “Why do you need railings on the bridge?” Mom:
– This is so that you, Vovochka, don’t accidentally fall from the bridge. Dad:
– This is so that you, Vovochka, don’t foolishly jump off the bridge.

The husband wakes up his five-year-old son for kindergarten: “Get up, I’m going to work.” Wife:
– I went on a business trip. Son Vovochka, wrapping himself tighter in the blanket: “And I went to bed…”

Little Vovochka pesters his mother with endless questions. Having suffered, she says: “Listen, dear, if you are a bad and disobedient boy, if you torment your mother with questions, then I will get sick, the doctor will come, I will die, and they will take me to the cemetery in a big black car.” Sad music will play…
– Tell me, mom, can I sit next to the driver?

On the topic of Vovochka and the programmer’s dad:
– Vovochka, how long can you count?
– Until 1010…
– Oh, you’re still so small, well, count…
– Ok, 0 1 10 11 100 101 110 111 1000 1001 1010 here…

– Vovochka, how many excellent students are there in your class?
– Not counting me, four.
– Are you an excellent student?
– No. That’s what I said
– not counting me!

At school, children brag: “I remember how we celebrated my birthday when I turned 1 year old and I remember everyone who was sitting at the table.”
– And I remember how I was born, and the faces of all the midwives and doctors who looked at me. Vovochka says: “And I remember when I went to a party wearing my dad’s clothes and returning from it wearing my mom’s clothes!”

Vovochka invited Tanya to his home. I bought flowers, a cake, a bottle of cognac, and cigarettes. He laid everything out on the table and waited. An hour passes. Vovochka thinks: “Tanya is from a good family, she won’t drink.” He put the bottle away. Two hours pass.
– Tanya won’t smoke. I put away the cigarettes. And then the doorbell rang. Tanya comes in. Vovochka asks: “Why did you come in a school dress?”
– So tomorrow we go to school…

– Vovochka, who do you listen to more, dad or mom?
– Mom!
– Why?
– She says more.