Vovochka:
– Mom, today the school principal asked if I have brothers or sisters. and I said that I am the only child in the family.
– and what did she answer:
– She said “Thank God!”

Four-year-old Vovochka was asked where the bottle with tooth elixir went from the bathroom. He answered: “Dad tried it and spat it out, then mom tried it and spat it out.” I thought that if no one liked it, why would it hang around in the bathroom, so I threw it away!

Vovochka says to Marya Ivanovna:
– Oh, I like you! (mouth wide open)
– Vovochka, what are you saying!!!? So why do you like me!?
– And you forgot to put on a thong and a skirt!

Lesson. Teacher:
– Petya, where is your notebook?
– Oh, I forgot.
– Did you forget your head?! Then Vovochka comes in, without a head.
– Vovochka, where is your head?
– I forgot it at home.
– Did you forget your notebook?

Vovochka’s father found condoms and forced him to smoke the entire pack.

The beach is full of people. Vovochka runs up to her mother: “Mommy!” I want to go to sea again!
– As much as possible! You just pooped!

Vovochka stands by the open window and cries.
– Why are you crying, Vovochka?
– The ball flew away.
– I’ll buy you 10 new balls!
– No, I will never have a dog like Sharik again!

Vovochka comes home and says to his father: “Dad, they’re calling you to school.” I blew up a desk in the chemistry classroom. The next day:
– Dad, they are calling you to school. I blew up the chemistry room. On the third day:
– Dad, they are calling you to school.
– I won’t go again!
– Well, that’s right, there’s nothing for you to do in the ruins!

School. The teacher gives the task to come up with a sentence with the phrase “just in case.” Naturally, Vovochka holds out his hand. The teacher calls him. Vovochka unzips his fly and dumps the device on the table.
– Ew, Vovochka, shame on you! Get out of class!!! Vovochka takes the briefcase, goes to the exit, turns around at the door: “Yes, just in case, my address is written down in the magazine.”

– Vovochka, tell us an excerpt from “Eugene Onegin.” Learned?
– Of course, Maria Ivanovna! My uncle had the most honest rules, He also ruled dishonest ones…