One day Vovochka fell from the roof head down. But, thank God, right into the plantain…
– By the time I woke up, everything had already healed…

Vovochka:
– Dad, I want a bun! Dad:
– If only you knew, Vovochka, how much I want… But only enough for vodka!

Teacher at school:
– Children, give an example of the use of the expression “luckily” Vovochka:
– Bandits attacked a passerby and killed him. Luckily he didn’t take any money with him.

Vovochka went to first grade for the first time. Comes home after classes. Dad asks him: “Well, Vova, what did they teach you at school today?” Vova: “Nothing, dad… Tomorrow they told me to come again.”

Teacher (at a parent meeting):
– Vovochka not only behaves worse than everyone else, he practically never misses a single lesson!

“Vovochka, today we are invited to dinner with the newlyweds,” the father says to his seven-year-old son.
– The young housewife still has little experience in cooking and she will be worried about her first dinner party. Vova, I beg you, no matter how the food tastes, remember to be polite and thank the hostess. When they were already leaving the hospitable house, Vovochka said to the hostess: “Thank you for dinner.” It turned out much better than my dad expected!

At the Russian language lesson. The teacher dictates a sentence to the second-graders: “The children were running behind the school… Then Vovochka holds out her hand: “Marivanna, how can children run behind the school?” She’s standing still!

The lesson is going on, Mary Ivanovna asks the children: “Tell me a word starting with the letter P.” Vovochka diligently stretches out her hand. Mary Ivanna figured, “If I call Vovochka, he’ll say swear words one hundred percent,” and calls Petya. Petya:
– Gingerbread cookies.
– Well done, Petechka, sit down. Now say the word starting with the letter B. Vovochka reaches out her hand even more diligently, but Mary Ivanna again calls another student for the same reason. Mashenka:
– Bells.
– Clever girl, Mashenka. Now say the word starting with the letter R. Vovochka, standing on the desk and resting his hand on the ceiling, is already making incomprehensible sounds and Mary Ivanna, estimating that there are no obscenities for this letter, calls him. Vovochka gets up from her desk offendedly and says: “Gingerbread, right?” Bells? Fuckers, I crap myself!!!

– Vovochka! Why are you so happy?
– We were flooded yesterday!
– What’s good about that?
– The diary drowned!!!

– Vovochka, why do you lie on the couch all day?
– I’m getting ready to become a dad.