Vovochka comes to the pharmacy:
– Give me a package of condoms! “Firstly, this is not for children,” the pharmacist answers, “and secondly, let dad come and take the right size.”
– Firstly, this is not for children, but from children, and secondly, this is not for dad, but mom is going to a resort, and she doesn’t know what sizes there will be yet…

In a lesson at school:
– Children, name a beast that a person cannot cope with alone.
– Tiger! Leo! Elephant !
– That’s right, children. What does Vovochka think?
– Arctic fox, Marya Ivanovna.
– When will a person not be able to cope with this cute fluffy animal?
– When the arctic fox is full, Marya Ivanovna.

Vovochka took a thousand rubles from his mother and said that he was going to his friends to play cards. Two hours later he calls her and says: “Mom, you don’t have to milk the cow, she’s no longer ours.”

Vovochka returns home late, late. His father meets him at the door.
– Well, I was hanging around with women again, drinking, smoking…
– Dad, envy is a bad feeling.

Little Vovochka’s dad bought a boarding house by the sea. Marya Ivanovna asks Vovochka in class how many seasons there are. “Five,” says Vovochka.
– How many?
– she is surprised.
– Spring, summer, autumn, winter and dead time.

– Vovochka, who do you love more: dad or mom? “In our family, everything is different: dad loves mom, but I don’t interfere.”

Teacher:
– Vovochka, is it true that the rich help the poor?
– True Marya Ivanovna!
– Give me an example!
– Well, when the drunkard Vasya from the next door wrote the word LOCH on his father’s Lexus, his dad himself paid for his treatment.

School alumni meeting. Teacher:
– Well, how are you living, Vovochka? I remember how you couldn’t really answer a single question, you kept saying: “I don’t know, I don’t know.” “And I still say the same thing now.” But then I add: “Find out and report.”

– Children, who has white eggs?
– At the chicken.
– Right. Who has blue ones? Vovochka:
– And at Petrov’s, I pinched them with the doors for him…

– Vovochka, what are you doing there?
– I’m fucking a goat!
– Well, look, just don’t smoke…