Teacher:
– Today, children, we will conjugate verbs. I’m standing, you’re standing, he’s standing, we’re standing, you’re standing, they’re standing… Vovochka, repeat!
– Everyone is standing!

Vovochka is sitting in class, bored… There is a knock on the door. The school director comes in, picks up a pretty girl and says: “Here is a new student, her name is Nastenka, she will study with you.” They put the girl with Vovochka. Vovochka, in a daze, tells her: “Come to my house today, my parents have gone to the dacha.” Having arrived home and done the cleaning, Vovochka solves the problem of how he can get Nastenka into bed. Decides to put out a bottle of wine, good music, cigarettes, etc. And then the thought:
– No, nothing will work out…. She’s an excellent student! The doorbell rings. Vovochka opens the door and sees Nastenka in a school uniform. Vovochka with surprise: “Why are you in uniform?”
– So tomorrow we go to school!

– Nine-year-old Vovochka swore near his mother, who was cleaning fish. “Perhaps this is the only case when a person received bream as crucian carp.”

Vovochka goes to her parents’ bedroom in the morning, but the door is locked. Vovochka looks through the keyhole, where her parents are making love. With a gloomy look, he returns to himself: “And these people!!!” And these people forbid me to pick my nose!!!

From a conversation between the boys: “I have my father’s nose, my mother’s eyes,” says one. “And I have my grandfather’s forehead, my uncle’s ears,” said another. “And I have my brother’s pants,” Vovochka boasted.

When Vovochka was asked if he could name the five happiest years of his life, he replied: “Of course, this was when I was in first grade.”

Teacher in a Russian lesson: “Children, today we are starting to study the letter “X.” Well, who knows the words starting with this letter? Here Vovochka holds out her hand. Teacher:
– No, Vovochka, I won’t give you my word, since you haven’t brought your parents to school yet for the letter “P.”

Marya Ivanovna:
– Now everyone will pronounce their favorite verb. Students:
– Sleep.
– Eat.
– Walk. Vovochka:
– So that I don’t get kicked out of class, I’ll say this: improving the demographic situation in the country.

Marya Ivanovna asks the children a riddle: “Children, name a certain dark area that, once recognized by a man, draws him in forever!” The first is “p”, the last is “a”. Vovochka stands up:
– Politics!
– Fuuuf… That’s right!
– Can I tell you a riddle, Marya Ivanovna?
– Come on.
– Who can you, Marya Ivanovna, become in case of extreme material need, and for a man this profession is shameful? The first is “p”, the last is “a”.
– Get out of class, you pig!!!
– No, Marya Ivanovna, you were just late with that. But a saleswoman
– easily!

– Vovochka, come here!
– Yes, dad?!
– Did you take the Kama Sutra?
– I took…
– Did you finish drawing anything there?
– Well, yes.
– Now go help me untangle my mother!