Teacher
– Vovochka:
– Vovochka, why do you have the same mistakes in your dictation as your neighbor at your desk, Sidorova?
– So we have the same teacher, Marya Ivanovna!

From Vovochka’s diary: “Today I knew a woman for the first time-a pitiful semblance of onanism.”

Teacher at school:
– You know, children, that if someone sees poorly with one eye, then, as a rule, it is much better with the other. Can anyone give a similar example? Vovochka gets up and says: “If someone has one leg shorter than the other, then the other is usually longer…

The family gets up in the morning. Parents are getting ready for work, Vovochka is going to school. Mom takes a shower, and dad goes into the bathroom at this time and brushes his teeth. Let me think I’ll settle in. The parents are doing their job… At this time Vovochka comes into the bathroom and sees how dad is “pulling” mom. Dad thinks: “The child sees such a picture, he needs to somehow excuse himself.” Dad starts hitting mom on the ass and says: “Don’t hit Vovochka, don’t hit Vovochka!” And Vovochka chimes in: “That’s right, that’s right, dad, and fuck the cat so he doesn’t scratch himself!”

Literature lesson at school. Marivanna:
– Vovochka! How, in your opinion, do people today differ from the heroes of Russian classics?
– A literary hero is proud of honest poverty and is ashamed of unjustly acquired wealth… Modern man is the opposite!

Lesson in Vovochka’s class. The kids are talking. Petya:
– My dad is a traffic cop, we have a lot of money, we live in abundance. Masha:
– My mother is a prostitute, we have a lot of money, we live in abundance. Vovochka:
– My dad is a truck driver. If it weren’t for traffic cops and prostitutes, we would have a lot of money and we would live in abundance.

Vovochka has a little sister. The father decided to explain to his son how this happened. “Imagine, Vovochka, a stork flew in and pecked my mother in the tummy.” Vovochka even jumped up: “Good God!” Why didn’t he see that the woman was pregnant?!

– Vovochka, name me a four-legged animal.
– May beetle.
– Nonsense, he has six legs!
– Well, you can tear off two…

Vovochka’s father calls his neighbor: “Have you done your son’s math homework yet?”
– Yes.
– Let me write it off!

Teacher:
– Volodya, tell me where we will end up if we drill right through the Earth at the equator? Vovochka:
– To the madhouse!