Eighth-grader Vovochka was NOT upset AT ALL when he discovered that there were no essays, abstracts, or presentations on the Shkolnitsa.ru website…

– Vovochka, open your mouth quickly and say ah-ah-ah, so that this evil and nasty doctor can finally pull his finger out of your teeth!

Vovochka tells a friend:
– Well, I went to Maryivanna, said hello, sat down next to…
– So what?
– And she barks:
– Get out of here, this is the women’s toilet!

– Children, whose monument is this?
– I don’t know, Mary Ivanna. Probably some famous politician or deputy.
– Why did you decide that, Vovochka?
– Well, look for yourself. He’s covered in shit, right to the top of his head!

There’s a lesson in progress. The new teacher takes out several multi-colored eggs, calls Vovochka to the board and asks: “Boy, use this egg to determine the name of the bird.”
– Don’t know.
– Well, what kind of bird is this egg from?
– Don’t know.
– Sit down boy. I’ll give you a 2. What’s your name? Vovochka takes off her panties and says: “Identify by the balls.”

At school, children are asked who wants to become what. Mashenka:
– I want to treat people. I want no one to get sick. I want our people to be the healthiest and strongest in the world. Therefore, I will go to study at a medical university. Petenka:
– I want to feed people. I want no one to go hungry. I want our land to be the most fertile and richest in the world. Therefore, I will go to study at the Agricultural Institute. Vovochka: “But I don’t want to do a damn thing, but get real money for it.” I want to put it on everyone, even on the president. I want not to pay taxes, and so that no one dares to lay a finger on me. Therefore, I will go to study at a theological seminary.

Vovochka began to study very poorly. I started getting only bad grades. The cool Marya Ivanovna called him to her. Marya Ivanovna:
– Vovochka, why did you study so poorly, what’s the matter? Maybe you have problems in your family? Tell me, don’t be shy. Vovochka:
– No, Marya Ivanovna, this is something else.
– What?
– My uncle came to visit us. He told me that he was a bad student at school and then became a bandit.
– Well, you see!
– Yes, but now he is an oligarch.

– Children, do you know where electricity comes from?
– asks the teacher.
– I know!
– Vovochka jumps up.
– From the jungle.
– Why do you think so? “And this morning, when dad wanted to shave, he said: “Those monkeys turned off the electricity again!”

In class. Teacher:
– Children, here I am holding a brick in my hands. What do you think when you look at it? Lenochka:
– I think about the great feat of Soviet builders! Zhenya:
– And I’m thinking about the prospects for communist construction in our country. Vovochka:
– And I’m talking about women. Teacher:
– Vovochka, but why? Vovochka:
– And I always think about them.

Vovochka comes into a toy store and asks the seller: “Please tell me how much that tiger costs?”
– Five hundred rubles. Vovochka takes out five hundred toy rubles from his pocket: “Then give it to me, please.”
– Boy, this money is toy!
– But the tiger is also a toy!!!!