First-grader Vovochka comes home after school on September 1 and says: “Dad, today I pulled a girl’s pigtail, and she hit me on the head with a textbook!”
– And no one promised you an easy life, son!

– Vovochka!? Why are you late?
– He hung the piglet on a tree.
– For what?
– Mom said that titmouses love fresh lard.

The art teacher asks the students: “What is the most beautiful thing in the world?” “A naked woman,” Vovochka answers.
– Disgrace! Get out of class! And don’t come tomorrow without your father. The next day, the teacher sees Vovochka huddled in the farthest corner behind the last desk.
– Vovochka! Did you tell your father? Why didn’t he come? “Dad said that you are gay and that we should stay away from you.”

At school, children write an essay on the topic:
– What would I ask Santa Claus for the New Year? Vovochka:
– Dear Grandfather Frost! Make sure we aren’t forced to write these damn essays!

– Vovochka, who do you love more?
– Dad!
– Why?
– He is never at home!

– Who can tell how the ancient Jews lived? Vovochka:
– I guess it’s bad, since circumcision was carried out with stone axes.

– Vovochka, is it true that monkeys are like people?
– Is it true!
– How can I check this?
– Give the monkey a cigarette and a bottle of beer!

– Vovochka, come up with a sentence with the verb “to have.”
– Any man can have Verka Perepelkina.
– What an impudent fellow! Get out of class! During recess, the teacher goes out into the corridor and notices Vovochka eating a bar of chocolate. -Who gave you chocolate?
– Head teacher. He asked why I was kicked out of class and wrote down Perepelkina’s address.

Vovochka answers in a zoology lesson: “The length of a crocodile from head to tail is 5 meters, and from tail to head is 7 meters…” “Think about what you’re saying,” the teacher interrupts Vovochka.
– Does that happen? “It happens,” Vovochka answers.
– For example, from Monday to Wednesday
– two days, and from Wednesday to Monday
– five!

Vovochka comes home from school. Father:
– Well, show me the diary! Two again!!!
– What are you talking about! Since yesterday we have switched to the binary number system.