– Mom, Vovochka told me today about his magic watch!
– What kind of watch is this, Mashenka? “He said that as soon as he sees me, instead of half past five, he immediately shows twelve!”

Teacher:
– In the last lesson we wrote a dictation. I gave everyone a D, because in the sentence: “Gena the crocodile is lying on a pebble,” everyone wrote the word “pebble” with a capital letter. One Vovochka received 5 because he wrote this word with a small letter. Vovochka, explain why you did this? Vovochka stands up and says: “Yes, after the crocodile, I don’t consider her a person at all!!!”

Vovochka leaves school, Masha meets him there and asks him to bring his briefcase home, he says okay, they got home Masha says to him: “Maybe we’ll go and have some tea?”
– Now, I’m just quickly running to the pharmacy.
– ?
– I’ll buy something for tea.

Mary Ivanna in a physics lesson:
– Vovochka, in principle, everything in your work is correct, but Gay-Lussac is a proper name, and not the sexual orientation of a scientist…

Third-grader Vova Sidorov typed the word “strawberry” into a search engine and radically changed his idea of ​​berries.

Father
– Vovochka:
– Yesterday I found 200 rubles on the street and took them to the police. What would you do if you were me? Vovochka:
– Same as you. Lied.

Biology lesson. Vovochka is called to the board. They ask:
– Vovochka, how are the hemispheres of the brain protected?
– A woman’s or a man’s?
– Is there really a difference?
– Of course, the woman has a skull, and the man has pants.

Vovochka asks her mother: “Mom, buy me a monkey!” Well, please!..
– Vovochka, are you crazy? And what are you going to feed her?
– Mom, buy me a monkey from the zoo. There is a sign hanging there: “Feeding the monkeys is prohibited!”

– Vovochka, what time is it
– “I clean, you clean, he cleans”?
– Pre-holiday?

Vovochka asks her desk neighbor: “Gangbang with two Ps?”
– I’m for it.
– Stupid, how do you spell it?