Vovochka comes home from school with an A in biology. The father asked: “Why, Vovochka, did they give you an A?”
– The teacher asked who has the biggest eggs. I said the ostrich.
– Strauss? So that’s why he wrote such sad music!

Vovochka joined the army to avoid college.

The teacher assigned an essay on the topic: “If I were the director of a company.” Everyone is writing diligently, and only Vovochka is looking out the window.
– Why don’t you write?
– I’m waiting for the secretary!

A kindergarten teacher asks: “Guys, name some very evil animal.” Children:
– Wolf… tiger… lion… leopard… Vovochka:
– Krokolev.
– Vovochka, is there such a beast?
– asks the teacher,
– what does he look like? “This is such an animal,” Vovochka answers, “which has a lion’s head on one side and a crocodile’s head on the other.” “This can’t be,” says the teacher, “if he has a head on each side, he won’t be able to poop.” “That’s why he’s so angry.”

– Vovochka, how did it happen that Mashenka became pregnant?
– A-a-a-a, her father is guilty.
– ??? “I just gave it back, and he came into the room and s-a-a-a-k slapped me on the ass…

As a child, Vovochka wanted to become a pilot, but became a drug addict. And now he pays money to fly, instead of flying and getting paid for it.

Vovochka’s father:
– Did you correct the deuce?
– Fixed it!
– Well, show me!
– Here!
– Well, who corrects this?! Give it here!

The teacher asked the students to write an essay at home on the topic:
– The origin of my family. At home, Vovochka asks her grandmother: “Where were you born?”
– The stork brought me.
– And mom? “The stork brought it too.”
– Well, what about me?
– And we found you in the cabbage. Vovochka sat down at the table, scratched his turnip, frowned and began to write: “For three generations now, our family has been reproducing vegetatively, without knowing the delights of sex life.”

At a math lesson. Teacher:
– You had two apples, one apple was taken away, what happened? Vovochka:
– Racket, Marya Ivanovna!

– Vovochka, what were the names of the participants in the Trojan War?
– Trojans, Marya Ivanovna?